More Kids? What is Your Perfect Number?

 Feelings of sadness and wonder mixed with the urge to jump in the air and do an insane armpump. Do you recognize these feelings?  Perhaps you have considered not having any more children.

That being said...

How do you know when you are done?

What were some of your determining factors?

I hear moms and dads answer this with a very decisive answers...

In the Beehive, we have fluctuated on this HUGE decision.  When DaveBee and I first started dating (nine years ago) I shared that I wanted a herd of children...like 5, at least!  When he wasn't immediately scared off and joined the conversation around five years later we thought 3 kiddos would be perfect since we are both third children.

Well, as you know, we have two babes: The Bear (almost 4) and the Bird (almost 2). Honestly, I never thought I would say this, but, we have considered making our funky foursome final. 

But, how do you know... really know if you are done having children?

I play over scenarios of what having more kids would look like.  Logistical things come to mind like: bigger car, bigger house, busier schedule and then the sweet thoughts play out foretelling more kids to love, another new personality to get to know and nurture, the changing dynamic from two children to three-plus children.

I'm not going to lie, I miss having a small baby in our home and in my arms but I am most thoroughly enjoying seeing my two "big" kids grow closer every day and interacting with us on more and more mature levels. Also, the idea of moving out of the diaper phase is really enticing!

I want to be able to give my patience and attention to ALL my children the best that I can so... how many is that?  I grew up in a house with five kids and from what I can remember my parents adjusted and grew with every child.  In the way that my parenting adjusted and grew from one to two I would like to think that happens with every child.

Naturally, expenses also come to mind when anyone talks about having more children.  So, yea, there is that. Preschool, extra-curriculars, birthdays, health, grocery bill, and so on...

These are just a few of the pieces of the puzzle that is choosing the number of children that would perfectly fill out a family.

So, I'll let you know when we decide... one way or another!

What is your perfect number?

Some Ideas

DaveBee has got to be the most patient father in the world.  I have a pretty strict two book policy when reading before bedtime.  Often I read or sing to The Bird, give her a lil nightcap, tuck her in, and take a shower only to come out to find DaveBee still sweetly reading to The Bear.  Often, they are dissecting a bug book or finding hidden items on a page of his High-Five magazine for the bazillionth time.  Pretty cool stuff.

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While I was out of town for the weekend I called home during breakfast.

I spoke to The Bear.  I asked him what he was up to.

"I don't know but I have some ideas."

Second Hand: Make it Fit

I was hesitant to divulge my secret...

For fear of initial judgement and because after you read this you will beat me to my favorite store and get the goods before I get there!

I will start at the beginning.

When I was in junior high grunge was in so hand-me-down torn Levi's and Mossimo shirts from my older brothers were totally legit (I thought so anyways).  High school was a different ball game filled with keeping up with the Jones' (most of whom got new cars on their 16th birthday).  I got a job and shopped at 5-7-9 and Susie's Deals and drove a '78 VW Bus.  I probably should have shopped second hand as the clothing might have lasted longer!

College was in a great hippie town in Nor Cal where second hand was not a problem...  The problem was not enough of them for the demand!

When I started a new career I was back to the new yet inexpensive favorites: Ross, Marshalls, and TJMaxx.

This brings us to the arrival of The Bear and The Bird.

When The Bear was born he was the first grandbaby on my side and first in a while on DaveBee's side. There weren't hand-me-downs at first and quite honestly, I don't think I would have had him wear them.  I wanted everything clean and pure just like him!

Well, about a year in a friend offered their boy's hand-me-downs and after 4 storage bins of FREE and ADORABLE clothes, I was hooked.

By the time The Bird came around I was lovingly accepting clothes from her two girl cousins and friends!

From birth through age three they grow out of things so rapidly that often these items are gently used (and other times not!) and I couldn't justify all new clothes for every growth spurt.

Also, I am freakishly anal about saving all the kid's clothes for their younger cousins.  I think sometimes they appease me and just take the bins! DaveBee has a hard time understanding the stacks of bins in the garage.  I keep assuring him that they will be gone when said cousin reaches this size or by this season!  He's a good sport!

As the kid's growth spurts slow down so do the frequency of the clothes sharing.  Recently, I discovered the weather getting cooler and the light jackets and pants I was putting on the kids looking like high waters and fat man in a little coat!

I am talking both of these kids have grown by leaps and bounds since last winter and we had nothing that fit (I should have taken a picture!).

I decided to hit up my favorite children's second-hand clothing store sooner than later while there were still options.

So here's what we got:

The Bear:
2 cotton hoodies
1 fleece pullover
1 awesome tractor sweater
3 pairs of pants
2 button down shirts

The Bird:
2 lightweight cotton hoodie jackets
1 fleece pullover
1 adorable flower-stitched hoodie jacket (might be my favorite item!)
4 pairs of leggings
2 pairs of skirt/leggings combo
1 Halloween shirt
3 long-sleeved cotton blouses
1 BEE COSTUME!

All of these items for a LOW, low total.  Prices ranged from $1.50 - $3.50 except for the Bee Costume at a whopping $4.50. Three of these garments still had tags on them.  I will still have to supplement here and there and I'm cool with that because I do love to shop.  Overall, I got some fall and winter basics and I didn't break the bank.  Oh, and I guarantee my kids will not look like they homeschool (Just kidding... my siblings and I homeschooled for a bit... I'll save that for another post.)

What do I look for when I shop second-hand:

• Shop around and find the best shop in your town.  Not all will have the same high standards.
• See if it looks old.  You can tell.
• Look for stains and holes. One got by me in this last batch!
• Smell test (warning: don't do while your pregnant): Smell it to make sure it doesn't have some funky stink that will haunt you, your car, and your kids drawer.
• That's it.

Now, go shopping... just not at my store.

Have you ever shopped second hand for yourself or your kids?  Thrift stores for furniture?  Vintage for a high pricetag? 

Rounding out the Family: Adding a Second Child

I did not believe the ultrasound tech when she told DaveBee, The Bear and I that we were having a girl. While I did not a have a feeling either way on my second baby's gender... my brain told me it was going to be a boy...

"It's a girl!"

We could not have been happier. What a wonderful way to round out the little family.  From that moment on I wondered about TheBird and how she would fit in to our world.

Life has been so different since her arrival. It has been a total confidence-builder and also a foundation-shaker.  Read on to hear more about what has worked to help keep the peace and what has not after adding baby number two.

Prepare your First Child
Regardless of your first child's age, talk it out.  Over. And over.  Never assume they will get it the first time or remember.  When the baby is born there may be a honeymoon period where your first babe basks in all the attention from family and friends. Eventually, life starts to become somewhat back to normal for them with the exception of this new attention hog!  Keep talking to them.  They are experiencing changes as strongly as you are but they just may not be able to communicate their feelings as well.  If you and/or your significant other have to return to work... talk about that change as well. It cannot hurt to keep them updated on their little lives.

Allow them to help with the care of the REAL new baby is so key in bonding the siblings! Get your first child a play baby to care for while you care for your newbie. Get them a sling, a swaddle, a paci, etc.  The Bear was ravenous to touch, hold, kiss, and hug The Bird.  He loved helping so much and it would add on many minutes to the process but I think it helped him cope.

Scrape out some one-on-one time with your first babe.   Even if it is as little as a being his designated bedtime story-teller every night.  Also, time with other family and friends or play dates to help keep them happy and occupied for little bits of time keep them less laser-focused on parents cooing/rocking/feeding the new baby all day.

A great idea I learned from my cousin, Jana, was to have a series of gifts that are for your first babe from the new baby after the baby is born.  I think this is a great reminder to your first child that the baby loves them too.

Talk it Out
Did I mention the importance of talking with your first born about all the changes... oh, right, I did!  The same goes for the rest of the fam!  There will suddenly be this new being to care for as well as your # 1 babe, and the pets, the house, and the yard, and the meals.  It can and will be overwhelming.  Delegate duties.  Decide what is imperative and what can be neglected temporarily.  Communicate this with any adults in earshot.

After The Bear, DaveBee and I learned some awesome lessons about negotiating so that everyone is content and less stressed.  For DaveBee, his non-negotiables were a tidy house and doggies that got attention and mine were family bonding and nutritious food. So we found a way to make those things happen and some other things went by the wayside.

Other great sources of communicating or venting are moms, doulas, doctors, midwives, and people who have been there!  Reach out.  You may be surprised at your captive audience.

Ditch the Guilt
Accepting that you will be spending less time with your first love and pretty much inseparable from your new addition will help you to be more forgiving towards yourself.  I think there is a natural mourning or a sense of guilt that occurs. By no means ignore this but knowing that it is normal and that you are in the precipice of change should help you along.

What I have heard from most moms with more than one child is that there is no "magic" time to have a second baby.  There are the obvious pros and cons like having two in diapers at the same time but that they will be out of said diapers sooner than later!  Any guilt associated with having another "too soon" will be replaced with hope when they start playing and interacting.

Give it Time
Looking back over the last 16 months I remember chunks of time.  I remember The Bird's infancy and my leave at home with her FLYING by.  I remember The Bear loving the newness and attention in the beginning but then struggling when I went back to work.  I remember The Bird being an easy baby but has grown into this amazing human that has needs and wants just like her older brother.  She is learning to express those far earlier than her older brother because she has him to show her the way.

I can tell you after these chunks of time that IT GETS EASIER. You find your groove.  You get into a rhythm.  Give it time.

The last crucial bit of information I can give you is give yourself a break.  We hold ourselves to unreal and insane standards that leave us exhausted mentally, physically and spiritually.  Give yourself a break and accept that, especially now, with two kids, you may not be parent of the year but you were easy on yourself. Our kids can learn a lot from that.

Chicken Curry: Gluten Free with Garden-fresh Basil

The very first dinners I ever cooked DaveBee in college was tilapia fish and vegetables in a curry sauce with rice and garnished with avocado and orange slices. 

It was the first time I had cooked curry-anything.

It was one of those moments in my life where the planets aligned where the meal was smashing and I may have won over the love of my life!

Since then, he and I have consumed much curry and coconut milk together.  In fact, it usually makes its way into a weekly dinner as the days start to get shorter and cooler.

Here is the SUPER easy recipe I made recently to clean up some thai basil from the garden.

Chicken Curry: Gluten Free and Garden-Fresh Basil

This mild version is kiddo and toddler approved!

3 Chicken breasts (about 1 breast per person)

Curry powder (see label for amount as they vary)

Lots of Stir fry vegetables

1 Can Coconut Milk

Handful of fresh thai basil

Pan cook chicken breasts dusting each side of chicken with curry powder as you turn it.  Cook slow and low. When chicken is about 5 minutes out, simultaneously, saute the stir fry vegetables and a few sprigs of basil in some olive oil on high heat AND bring coconut milk with more curry powder to a simmer in a saucepan. 

Add curry coconut milk to vegetables and add some more fresh basil as the two pans of ingredients marry. Slice up chicken and add to the vegetables as well.  Serve!

Notes:

This is fantastic over rice as well. We have gotten many kinds of curry powders and pastes but if you are a beginner try any of the Thai Kitchen pastes!

Serves 2 adults and 2 kiddos

Bears and Butter Fingers

The only thing that I can equate The Bear's sneaky bedtime antics to is.... well, a bear.  Particularly those pesky bears that have gotten all too comfortable with people and campers and raise havoc after the sun goes down.

Light up toothbrushes:  Part of the bedtime routine.

DaveBee and I have tried all sorts of parenting "techniques" from silent, no affect faces returning him to his bed to straight up bribery!  AND we give them time to work... yet, something has changed in this little man and he no longer wants to go to bed.

Sometimes his behavior has us smirking as we leave his bedroom and other times we are almost in tears as we return him to bed for the 73rd time.

Last night, the adults in The Beehive got a little comic relief during the shenanigans.

At some point after tucking The Bear in we realized that it was FAR too quiet for him. DaveBee was the first to investigate.  He peered through the crack in The Bear's door only to see that the room was empty!  He opened the door and scanned it just to be sure.  He then crossed the hallway to our bedroom where he saw The Bear perched on my dresser fiddling about.  DaveBee asked him what in the world he was doing and in doing so, startled The Bear who tumbled off he dresser!  He was fine... and that was not the comical part!

As I returned him to his bedroom I saw that he had smothered his face, hands and arms in Burt's Bees baby bum jelly.  All exposed body parts were glistening... still not the comic relief I speak of.

I wiped him down but it inevitably left slight sheen that he would have to deal with until the morning.  After plopping him in bed I closed his door (this was the rule: get out of bed and the door closes).  I heard him jump out of bed and run to come harass us some more! He arrive at the inside of his door and grabbed the handle only to have his hands slip off!!! Again and again he tried to open the door to no avail!!  I could not help but stand on the other side of the door and chuckle!

This, my friends, was the funny part.